As I was writing What You Might Not Have Known About Affairs, I got to wondering: If we’re not programmed to be monogamous, why do we try to be? (As part of my research for that piece I was surprised to learn that monogamy is not the norm for 97 percent of most mammals, including humans.) Something else I learned while researching another article, Affairs and STDs, was that as many as 60% of marriages could suffer a cheating spouse.
At first I thought as high as 60% seemed ridiculous –-until I learned about how humans are not monogamous beings by nature. So why is it we put so much emphasis on denying our attractions to others and remaining faithful to only one person our entire married lives? Why do we hold ourselves to this perception that’s how it’s supposed to be?
I know religion plays a big factor, and it’s easier to raise children as a team. Diseases and money might also come into play.
But if it’s not in our nature, why is it we find marriage in one form or another throughout most cultures? And why is it some people are more than happy sticking with one person forever and always?
Sure, some cultures and kingdoms have condoned a man having many wives. Off the top of my head I can’t think of having ever heard the reverse though. (A woman having many husbands.)
But what would happen if it was not only socially acceptable, but the norm, to have open relationships? (For both men and women.) Pick a partner as you please, no commitments, move on when you want. Everyone maintains their own residencies. There’s never any mergers and acquisitions between couples. (But you could still do that if you wanted. It wouldn’t be outlawed.)
Would people still get married? Would the numbers as we known them flip? Meaning, would we rebel as a society? Instead of divorce being acceptable and frequent, would the number of people staying in committed relationships increase? Would we be shocked by people who chose to move in together and share space rather than keep their own? Would people who formerly found a thrill in cheating suddenly find it more thrilling to stay with one person?
Not that I want to find out about the flip-flop hypothesis, mind you. I’m happy in my committed monogamous relationship, thank you very much. Just pondering the what ifs of marriage possibilities in an alternative universe.
Courtney Mroch writes about animals great and small in Pets and the harmony and strife that encompasses married life in Marriage. For a full listing of her articles click here.
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