I was married at eighteen years old, to an adopted man. He was adopted during the era where everything was a secret and adoptive parents might never even tell the child. He had some real difficult times dealing with his adoption when we became parents together not once but twice in fourteen months time.
Being the mother of children with an adopted father was just about as close as my life would ever get to understanding some of the hard parts about not knowing anything about your past. It started to become something I noticed when I filled in the first medical form for the birth of my son. When I completed the paperwork I was very aware only the right column of the form had information and everything on the left was marked “unknown.”
I am not sure why we did not realize their fathers adoption was important information we should give our children but, for whatever the reason we never really talked about it. At least not until a family vacation was planned to see my aunt. Knowing my aunt, as well as I do, I realized there was a risk she might say something like, “Did you know my little girl is adopted just like your daddy?”
On the way to my aunts house I decided it might be a good time to let my children know some information about the fact their father was adopted. At the time Sean was 9 and Tori was 8 so it seemed a good time to give them some details about their heritage. I will never forget how difficult it was when I heard my son ask, “Does that mean grandma is not my real grandma?”
I think this question surprised me and made me feel bad the adoption facts were not given to our children all along. For awhile I was not exactly sure how to answer my son. Looking back I am proud of my fast thinking and recognition to the fact my answer might affect his future attitudes about adoption in general and about his heritage.
“REAL is everyone. A mother is the person who is there for you everyday while you grow up. No one has too many grandma’s and it does not matter how you got yours she is your REAL Grandmother and always will be.”
Special Needs and Adoption-Related Terms:
A | B | C | D | E-F | G-H-I | J-K-L | M | N-O | P | Q-R | S | T-U-V-W-X-Y-Z
For more information about parenting special needs children you might want to visit the Families.com Special Needs Blog and the Mental Health Blog. Or visit my personal website.