We talk a great deal about what we “should” do as parents and how to organize our lives as single parents to be more efficient, effective, loving, organized, etc. The truth is, however, that for many of us, our true moment of liberation and power in our single parenting comes when we finally throw out all those rules and “shoulds” and toss out the rule book along with them!
General guidelines can be good, as can getting advice from trusted sources; having someone to talk things out with and garner ideas and support is also a great resource for a single parent. In the end, however, it comes down to us doing what is best for our child and ourselves and our family unit–and that may not be something we can find in any parenting rule book–no matter how wise the expert or how extensive the text.
There is something about throwing those external expectations that is not only liberating, but also empowering. I believe that it is only when we throw out that idea of “normal” and that mythological rule book that we truly start to feel our power and autonomy as parents. I think this can be especially hard for single parents since we may be flying in the face of adversity in many aspects of our lives: our parenting style may not match our child’s other parent, we may feel judged or scrutinized by family members and ex-family members, work mates, neighbors, etc. For many of us, we may feel like we are swimming in uncharted waters as it is and the closer we hug the shoreline (or the rule book) the better off we will be. Often, it is only when we let our selves float a little further off shore that we start to feel our way.