In the old days (a few generations ago), it was considered important for the authority of a parent to have an element of fear. I still meet parents who think that if their children are “afraid” of them, they will be more likely to behave. While a parent may be able to scare a child into immediate behavior changes with a threat or using fear, in the long term it can be bad for the child and very hard on the parent-child relationship.
There is a difference between fear and respect. I, for one, want my children to respect me and take my suggestions and directions into account because of respect for my authority and not because they are afraid of me. Whether it is a young child who is being threatened to be left behind in the grocery store because she won’t keep up, or threatening violence or other hurtful things in order to get the child to do what we want, it is manipulative behavior on the parent’s part and using fear as a motivator will eventually backfire.
I believe that there are plenty of scary things in the world for children without a child’s parents being scary too. If a child thinks that the parent will give him away or hurt him if he does not do what the parent wants, what sort of unconditional love or security is being provided? How will the child experience the security and trust that he needs as a balance to all those other scary things that are going on in the world outside the family? As a parent, do you really want your child to be afraid of you or what you will do in order to get him to behave temporarily as you would like? As a motivator, fear is not a reasonable parenting choice.
Also: Spanking or Hitting