I don’t know about you, but I never forget that I have the ultimate responsibility for my three kids as a parent (this is one of the main reasons I do not know how I am going to adjust in the next several months as they become adults and start to push out in the world.) I also know in my head and have learned how important it is to take a back seat and be detached from my children’s choices and personal decisions at times—but for me, it is an ongoing struggle to balance out the detachment from my sense of responsibility.
I do not think this reality or dilemma has an easy answer. The truth is, we are ultimately responsible as parents until our children are legally adults (and many of us continue to feel responsible even after that milestone.) Even though we want our children to learn increasing independence, we also know that we not only have to take care of them, but also answer for some of the choices, mistakes, etc. that they may make. Talk about confusing boundaries!
For me, I have been learning how to detach with love and trust, all the while knowing that I am the responsible parent. Part of this lesson is getting straight in my head what I am actually responsible for. I am no longer responsible for how my children wear their hair or who they choose as friends, but I do still need to make sure they have access to an education, health care, plenty to eat, etc. You might have noticed that I said “have access to” an education—I can no longer MAKE them go to school or college, but I can help provide the encouragement and opportunity and take away whatever obstacles I can. Perhaps this is ultimately how we parents can come to some balance between detaching and being responsible—we do our part and then accept that our children are going to make their own decisions and choices too.
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