I wrote earlier to day about the importance of learning how to be good to ourselves as single parents—this means not only self-care but making personal choices that take our best interest into account as well as those of others. The other side of this issue is that we also need to learn how to balance our tendencies to give and be giving with our ability to receive…
I have met many people with whom either one side of this coin or the other is an issue—either they have a hard time giving and being and generous but are happy to get and receive, or they have an easy time giving of their time and resources to others but a really hard time letting others give to them. For those of us who wrestle with either side of this challenge, finding a way to make things more balanced is the key.
I admit that I am one of those people who have a really hard time being on the receiving end. I know intellectually that it goes way back to my childhood and has been a survival response to the fact that I just have not been on the receiving end of things much. I learned early not to want or expect or ask others for things so that I would not have to deal with being let down or disappointed. Now that I am an adult, however, it is high time I learned how to balance things out more and to let myself receive whatever gifts or generosity the world might have to offer. What was a functional survival skill when I was younger no longer serves me.
I know others who are used to having others help and do things for them constantly. Their first instinct is to ask for help, accept any and all gifts and find ways to get others to rescue or help them with tasks and situations. These people are not quite as open and generous with their own “giving” as they are with receiving. Whichever side of this issue you find yourself on, as a single parent, this can be one of those issues that you work to balance. Getting to a place where we can give and receive with grace and ease can be a positive growth goal for many of us.
Also: Learning to Set Healthy Examples with Your Gift-giving