We ARE moving forward, we are making progress, improvements, life changes, etc. We may not be exactly where we want to go yet, and some days it may seem pretty sloggy going, but overall we are making headway. I think it is important for us single parents to remember that while we might have a long-term goal or we might be working hard to get our lives back on track, it is about practice and baby steps–not immediate perfection.
For me, it helps to think of it as “practice”–I am working on things; trying to make improvements; change my way of thinking and acting; gradually build a safety net; etc. Whatever it is that we might be working on or wherever we are trying to get in our lives, I do think that it is about practicing and trying and continuing to work on it–not expecting that we will go from zero to sixty in a matter of moments.
One of the shifts that happens the moment we start to think of our efforts as practice, is that we tend to relax a little and have more compassion for ourselves. This can, in turn, lead to more compassion for other people. By believing that we are all generally trying to make our lives and our selves better, we might be able to let go of some of our perfectionism and judgment. Think of what a gift this can be for our children too–as we model for them that we are constantly working towards our goals and practicing, without getting impatient with the need to be “accomplished” and done. We can show them that the journey and the steady work toward where we want to go can be life enriching in itself. Meanwhile, it can be a stress reducer for us too as we keep our efforts in perspective and do not put too much pressure on ourselves.