While there are certainly obstinate children or those who seem to get more out of NOT complying with expectations and parental requests, I believe that sometimes a child’s disobeying is really a “systems” problem. There are too many roadblocks and obstacles that keep the child from being able to obey easily. There are things we can do as parents to build a system that actually makes it more likely that children will do what is expected of them.
An organized house, bedroom, bathroom, etc. can make it much easier for children to pick up after themselves. How child-friendly is your home? Do you make it easy for children to brush their teeth and find their bedclothes (a handy stool, all the supplies in one place, a hook for pajamas and robe, etc.) or is the home so disorganized that it seems like a daunting treasure hunt just to find the toothbrush and pajamas?
Is there a designated place where children can do homework? How about the kitchen–is it easy for children to wash dishes or rinse and put into the dishwasher? Are all the supplies and items in a convenient, accessible and organized place?
Do your children know the numbers for how to reach you whether you are at work, home, etc. so that they can tell you of their plans? Do you have their contact numbers? Is a calendar or schedule prominently posted so people can share their activities and outings?
Can you see how putting some organization and forethought into how your family functions can actually set up systems that make it easier for children to do chores, meet expectations, and do what is required. Having working items, a place for everything, and a basically organized home can make it more likely that the child will follow through on requests and expectations.
Also: How Many Reminders?
Changing Rules and Expectations–Expect Initial Resistance