Have you ever noticed how two people can say virtually the same thing in content, and one of those people will be more persuasive, communicative and memorable while the other person just doesn’t make the same impression? As a parent, I have wondered how I can say something to my kids, but it is not until a grandparent, teacher, or friend says the same thing in a different way that they actually listen. I have a tendency to think that it is not the message I am delivering but the method in which I’m trying to get my point across.
As parents, we can get used to barking orders or pulling rank. This can cause our children to get defensive or resist. If we are trying to offer wisdom or advice or direction in a particularly bossy or adversarial way—our kids are going to resist and tune us out. Additionally, I have found that condescension and coming across as a know-it-all (whether it is purposeful or not) is a sure turn-off. Still, sometimes I think that we are just too close to our kids, there is something hard-wired in our relationship that says they are supposed to resist. This is part of the reason that our kids tend to warm right up to grandparents—those same people who we resisted when they were trying to raise us.
I do think there are things we can do to make ourselves more communicative with our kids, however. We can think about things like timing—choosing the right time to broach subjects and talk about specific things instead of bringing them up at the dinner table, when they are cranky and tired, or in front of their friends. I also think that we can approach things respectfully and allow our children room to digest what we say instead of getting up in their faces and demanding immediate responses.
It may always be that our kids will have to hear some things from other people, but we can try to adjust the “how” of what we say to make it more likely they will listen to us.
Also: Communication Breakdown? It Might be That You are Too Much Alike
10 Ways to Make Your Communication More Effective