There is definitely a difference between being a single parent of small children and dating, and being a single parent of older teenagers and young adults. There are different considerations, and even though the older kids may be just as forthcoming with their opinions as younger ones, they probably have different concerns.
As many of you know, I have been a single parent for several years. My kids were quite young when I first stepped in to the world of a single parent attempting (occasionally) to date and my concerns were very typical. I was very protective of who got to know my kids and kept my dating life separate unless someone was truly a good friend. As my children got older, and I attempted a more serious relationship or two, I learned more valuable lessons about what does and does not work with my kids and my own personality. Now that my kids are older and I have been out of a serious relationship for several years, but openly dating (in a picky and finicky way)—I notice that they have different reactions, concerns and input and we are dealing with things differently than we did when they were younger.
Firstly, my kids are older teenagers (16, 17 and 18) and they have an opinion about everything! They each have their idea of what I should be looking for and where I should be looking. They have a hard time getting on board with the fact that I am not really looking at all. I think they are a little worried that they will move out and I won’t have anyone (even though I am secretly fantasizing about the joys of an empty nest some days!). I also think that they don’t exactly trust that I know what I am doing. I try not to take this personally because anyone who has lived through teenagers knows that they don’t have a lot of confidence that parents know what they are doing in any arena.
If I see someone more that a few times, my kids want to meet them. It used to be that I was protecting them, but now I sense that they are protecting me. They want to check the other person out and give me their feedback (whether I want it or not.) The cool thing is that now my kids have manners and social skills and can be quite charming whereas a few years ago, they could be real stinkers if they met a date of mine.
A final word about dating with older kids—the thing is, my kids are dating too so it has created more understanding and compassion in them for the process. While I am much older and in a very different place with what I am willing to consider and what feels like a fun date to me, we are able to offer some empathy and understanding to each other that did not exist when we were all much younger.
Also: How Affectionate in Front of the Kids?
Its Okay to Introduce New People Slowly
When Your Kids Think You Should “Find Someone”