We parents go to a lot of trouble to find the right babysitter(s) or daycare center—often touring, interviewing and checking references to find one that meets our standards. When our child doesn’t “take” to the new arrangement it can be incredibly frustrating, and hard to know exactly what we should do about it…
The first step is to try to determine if the issues are related to the daycare, a specific childcare provider, other children, or separation anxiety. Of course, it could be attributed to other reasons too, but doing the investigation to figure out why and what is going on is the first step. If a child has developed behavior problems or you are getting questionable feedback from the sitter or care provider, gather as much information as you can and compare it with what you already know about your child. Does the behavior seem typical? Is it reflective of how your child responds to stress or change? If your child is old enough, you can also talk about what it going on, but for a very young child you will have to let the behaviors and actions serve as communication.
Sometimes, an environment that really looks great on paper just won’t feel right to the child—there may be a chemistry issue with a teacher or other kids, or there may be environmental realities that are bothersome. A child who is very sensitive to smells and other things might be having a reaction to how a place smells or feels. When my own three were toddlers and preschoolers, the first in-home daycare that they went to when I went back to work was absolutely perfect on paper—safe, clean, and very, very organized. My kids got crabbier and downright depressed. At first, I figured it was just transition—they were used to being at home most of the time and even though they went to preschool, it was only for a couple hours, a few days a week. After a couple months, however, it was obvious something else was going on. The truth was—it was just TOO rigid and too organized. They didn’t get to relax and be themselves or even make a mess and play with any sort of freedom. It was stifling and soul-sucking. When we look back now at the group daycare photos, we see ten very clean, well-dressed preschoolers and not a one of them is smiling or exuberant.
If a child is not thriving and really hates to go to daycare or be with a particular care provider, there is usually something to it. Whether you can make adjustments and work things out with the provider or center or not—I do think it is important to take the cue from the child and pay attention before there is a huge behavior problem or other issue.
Also: Is Daycare Good for My Baby?