I know that there are many of us who read this title and wonder how on earth can we teach our kids to take charge of their own happiness when we may still be trying to learn how to do it for ourselves! It can be a joint lesson to learn how to stop blaming and interpreting that the happiness is something that comes at us from the outside. It can also take years to learn this valuable life lesson, but as parents we can start our children on the road to happiness…
We can point out to our children (and ourselves) that no one else can ever MAKE us happy or unhappy. Sure, people might disappoint us, or they might do things that trigger a negative reaction from us—but we are ultimately in control of how we respond. What a difficult lesson this is for so many of us to understand! After all, it seems like simple cause and effect: Suzie took a toy from me and that MAKES ME MAD. Well, in reality, Suzie took a toy and I am choosing to let my anger rule the day. I do have other choices in how to respond AND just because I let myself get agitated does not mean that I cannot remain happy overall.
We can gently remind our children how much choice and control they have in their emotions and their emotional state. We can also model for them by accepting responsibility for our own happiness. Instead of saying things like “You’re making me angry” or blaming those around us for our frustration and “bad days” we can work on claiming our own happiness and show our children how it’s done. Language can be very powerful and shifting how we describe our emotional states can teach our children how to eliminate blame and take control of their own happiness too.
Also: Can Everybody be Happy all at Once?
Don’t Expect Your Spouse to Make You Happy