I know that in my own personal journey as a single parent, I have come a long way. In the early months and years, I was much more protective of my role of a single parent and a bit self-conscious as well. I felt like I had to be perfect—that I had to prove that I was a good parent and my children were well cared for, as if I was always fighting the stigma of the neglectful single parent. What I have learned over the years, however, is that I can be a good model of single parenthood just by being myself—my flawed, struggling, and often ill-prepared self. Letting people get to know the real me was tough at first, but now I know that it is key to a healthy existence.
We are not perfect. Perhaps it is that we feel that so acutely and that is why we want to present an air of perfection to the rest of the world? I know that I also used to worry that people would judge me. What if they knew that I was a single parent? What if they were to question my choices or wonder why I was divorced or why I hadn’t “found somebody” yet? Of course, there ARE plenty of people who make comments and questions and judgments, but we can allow ourselves to get strong and confident enough to be ourselves regardless. After all, how will people ever see how competent and capable single parents can be? AND, how can we make genuine friends and add to our support team and friendship base if we do not allow ourselves to be known in our flawed entirety?
It is okay to be a human being first and a single parent second. And, it is okay to let people get to know you and see you in your natural habitat. We don’t have to be the perfect poster parent for single parenthood in order to feel good about what we are doing.
Also: Are You Purposefully Prolonging Transition?
It is Okay to Admit You Have Needs
Are You Feeling Removed From Your Emotions?