My own personal experience with leaving home has left me a little skewed. I may have mentioned before, but I turned 18, graduated a half-year early from high school, enrolled in college, rented my own apartment and moved out—all within about a week. Of course, I had been planning, budgeting and saving for nearly two years leading up to my emancipation but I did it boldly and never looked back. I think that since this was the way I did it, I assumed that everyone leaves the nest with such assuredness. The truth is, however, that most kids need to take some practice flights, and they need plenty of encouragement and understanding as they prepare to launch out on their own.
In talking with my older parent friends who have already shaken all of the feathers out of their nests, they have helped me to understand that it is much more common for kids to take it slower. Some kids are scared and reluctant to ever leave, while many others have several stops and starts and need to flounder a bit before they get the hang of things. Instead of expecting them to suddenly pack their bags and move out in a fit of self-proclaimed independence, it is more realistic to expect the emptying of the nest to be a bit more gradual and bumpy.
With my own children, I am finding that there are all sorts of things happening as they prepare to leave the nest—they are trying to figure out what they want to do and be and suddenly the world seems much bigger than previously imagined; but we are also negotiating new boundaries around our relationship—what do I have a say over? What should I have a say over? And where should I take a back seat and let things evolve without my input?
I am learning that in the process of moving on, both sides are also giving the other permission to let go. As much as my kids want to grow up and be independent, they also feel some ambivalence. I am finding that they also need me to give them permission and encouragement to move on. They need to know that I will be just fine and that they will be just fine—after they fledge the nest, and that is taking some trial leaps.
See Also: The Anxiety of Growing Up