Blaming others, blaming God, blaming the Universe, or even blaming one child or another for something that has happened can seem like the logical immediate response. Being too quick to blame, however, can keep us from being present in the situation and able to look at things objectively. It can also be a response that actually makes things worse.
How can you know if you are focusing too much on fault? A certain amount of blame—especially as an initial, emotional response can be somewhat normal. It still might not be the most productive way to respond, but it might be the hair-trigger response. You may need to ask yourself if you always blame someone else for things that happen, or if you look for someone to blame whenever things do not go the way you would like? Is it defensiveness on your part? Does it make you feel better to point the finger as quickly as possible so that you do not have to process things any further? Sometimes we are quick to blame because we want to create order out of a messy situation or we are afraid that we will be blamed if we do not quickly put the focus on someone else. Blaming can, in fact, be a waste of time and keep us from focusing on a solution.
The truth is, most things in life are not really anyone’s fault—or they are “group project.” Most arguments, disagreements and mistakes involve more than one person. Many life circumstances really are so random, so unexpected and so uncontrollable as to be no one’s fault. By trying to place blame, we are not learning how to accept some of those inevitable life events in a healthy and resilient way AND we may be using up a lot of energy blaming that could go to more constructive behaviors.
See Also: Avoiding the Blame Game with Your Spouse