Parents of young children complain about separation anxiety, and then parents of older children may complain that their child is eager to have them leave and doesn’t seem to notice when they are gone. The parent of a teenager, however, experiences the most confusing phase of all—the teen who grumbles to be left alone and then turns around minutes later and complains of being abandoned!
I have been quite open in sharing some of the trials and joys of preparing to send two older teen daughters off to college. It is an exciting time, yes, but it is also stressful, exhausting, painful and crazy in ways that I have never experiences in all my years as a parent! I have been clinging to those other parents who have been through it as they are the only ones who truly understand. They want to grow up, they are ready to move on, but they are absolutely terrified too. This plays out in them wanting to do things on their own and have me out of their business, but then panicking and being afraid that I will abandon them to the wolves and they won’t be able to make it. Everything feels huge, irreversible and precarious to them.
The other day, both of my daughters and I went to our local farmers’ and artisan market. This was when one of my daughters informed me that if you were to look up the word “bail” in the dictionary, you would find my name. Of course, this comes right on the heals of “Let’s go to the market together so we can spend time together, Mom!” Back and forth, back and forth. They really do WANT to be on their own and they still want to be little children too. They feel both conflicting feelings constantly jumbled and intense. As a parent of an older teenager it can be confusing and exhausting—do we hold on or let go? (both) Do we give in or stand firm? (both) Do we do things for them or make them do things on their own? (both). All I can do is cling to the advice of those who’ve been through it and trust that all the stress and tears and tantrums are temporary.
See Also: How did I Get From “I Can’t Leave my Baby” to “It’s Time for You to Go?”
Are They Just Trying to Get Attention Again?!