Let us be honest here—we are not going to like all of the friends and peers that our children interact with. That would be a lot to expect from ourselves! There are going to be children whose manners we don’t like, who do not have healthy boundaries, who may talk or play rudely, or for whatever other reason, we just do not like them. As the adult, however, we have the challenge and opportunity of choosing how to react.
There always seems to be that one child in the neighborhood who we would rather not have to interact with. The one who may not be well supervised or who may make poor choices or misbehave. Some of us have been lucky in having at least one child who might not be every parent’s dream so we have learned how to see things from the other side. Some children seem to choose the most challenging individuals for friends (I have one of those and she swears it is because these folks are “never boring.”) It is up to us to figure out how to be the grown up and show manners and respect—even when we may not like the child.
Now, this does not mean that we cannot set boundaries, limits and expectation for what behaviors are acceptable in our homes. We should do this. We should also talk to our child about what qualities make a good friend and how to separate him or herself from the other’s behaviors and choices. The thing I think is important, however, is not to label the questionable friend as “bad” or “horrible” or “a criminal” or any other negative judgment. Having compassion (even if we do not exactly understand) can put less pressure on the situation and model acceptance for our child at the same time.
Keep in mind that there is always a reason those children are so challenging and unlikable. It may be that they do NOT know how to act or they have not been exposed to appropriate behaviors. It may be that they act out because they sense or know that others do not like them. Showing compassion and treating them with respect may turn the tides and help them to be less challenging. Even if it doesn’t, I think it is better as the parent to take the high road and to work on having compassion.