Insecurities and self-consciousness can plague a single parent. The simple fact that we may have fewer resources and have suffered a set-back or two can cause us to feel as though we are less deserving or less capable at things than other people. Of course this feeling of “less” is rooted in low self-esteem, but what can we do to feel as though we are as capable as anyone else?
Identifying that you are, in fact, feeling less capable or qualified is the first step. Many of us can go along for years refusing to go after that promotion, or take a chance, or try something new, or even letting people know what we CAN do, simply because we think there are plenty of other people out there who can do things better than us. Perhaps, there has been someone in our lives who told us that we were no good at things or there may be internal voices that continuously remind us that we just cannot keep up with others who are more beautiful, talented, creative, smart or whatever. The problem with this is that there is no one else who can make us feel more capable—we have to do it ourselves.
It might help to switch your focus from results to effort. By this, I mean that by taking the pressure off yourself to produce idealized results—make a certain amount of money, live in a specific neighborhood, have the “perfect” partner or spouse, be raising over-achieving kids, etc.—you can focus on the process: trying new things, taking a class, and personal development. When you give yourself encouragement for attempts and participating in the process, you can immediately start to feel better about your trials. The only way to get MORE capable is through trial and error.
Some people find that affirmations and self-encouragement helps. Instead of that ongoing self-dialogue about how incapable you are; try saying more positive things to yourself. I have a little phrase that I say out loud to myself and to others constantly (so much so that my friends tease me about it and some have adopted it for themselves): “You’re doing so good!” Regardless of how grammatically incorrect it is, it is just a little burst when things are tough or when I’m tempted to feel like I’m bumbling. Put the focus on what you can do and all the ways you are trying, and you may be able to let go of feeling less capable than others.
See Also: What Have You Done with Your Talents?
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