It is tough to get to be a single parent without having a little life experience. Many of us come to single parenting by way of divorce or separation and others of us may have had a spouse die or may have never been partnered, or we might have chosen single parenthood. Regardless, there is probably an “Ex” in our pasts and even if that person is long gone from our romantic present, the effects linger. As you embark on dating as a single parent, are you looking for someone who is similar to your ex or are you going the other direction completely and searching for someone who is completely different?
Who among us hasn’t been so heart-broken or disillusioned that we swear we will “never date someone like that again!” There may be some key character traits that we’ve been burned by or ones that we have seen before and would rather not see again. I think that having a bit of a “list” can be a good thing, facing dating as a single parent with some intention. However, too rigid or long of a list may make dating frustrating. Sure, we all have our triggers but what turned into something horrible in the ex, might not mean the same thing when it is part of a new partner’s personality.
I think that one of the great things that comes from giving yourself plenty of time to heal after a divorce or break-up is that you can put things in perspective. There may be some character traits and things about your ex that were good, things that you would like to have in your life again and being able to heal and detach means that you may be able to see them with fresh appreciation in a new and different person.
Of course, if there were huge deal-breakers in your previous relationship, it is perfectly reasonable to learn from your mistakes and want to find a person who is lacking in those irritating or unsavory qualities.