Have you ever heard your father say, “How could you have done something so stupid?” or “What on earth possessed you to do that?” What is really telling is when the child who hears these questions from their dads is all grown up, and he or she continues to hear these same questions in the that same familiar voice inside of their head. Only this time it’s at work, they just made a mistake, and they are so critical of themselves that they can’t get beyond the mistake in order to find the answer. Maybe they try to hide their mistake, only to be found out later by the authorities (Can you say, Enron?).
This person did not have a father who loved them unconditionally, who could teach them through the mistakes that inevitably will come our way. Instead of saying “what did you do that for?” that same dad could say, ”If you had it do all over again, what would you do differently?” That takes the shame and the blame out of the equation and causes the child to look at their problems objectively and to learn how to solve them all on their own. Someone who can take responsibility for their mistakes is usually confident enough to find the solution. Children who grow up with overly critical parents usually try and hide from responsibility, avoid confronting problems, and just want to forget the emotional pain they felt growing up.
Your children will forget about the stuff you bought for them. But, they won’t forget what you have taught them through your words and actions. Why not have them remember something positive. Just from a purely selfish perspective, Social Security is probably not going to be around when we retire, or even be enough to help sustain us financially. When little Johnny or Suzie grow up they might be more inclined to help out dear old dad and send him a check if they remember to good things you said and taught them. Did you teach them about unconditional love, how to solve their own problems, how to manage their finances? Let that be the voice your children hear when they are adults.