As parents, many of us strive to be more and more understanding of our children and their circumstances and challenges. As a single parent, we may feel like we have even more to understand—our children may have experienced some traumatic events or still be grieving the loss of how the family used to be. Being understanding and sympathetic however, does not mean that we have to give our children license to walk all over us. It does not matter if we are dealing with our ex, our child, or someone else—just because we understand, does not mean that they can tromp all over our feelings and sense of self.
Setting limits and boundaries while at the same time expressing our understanding of a situation can be challenging. We may, in fact, take some flack from our child or children who assume that if we understand, we will surely see things from his or her point of view and be willing to give in. Instead, we can have understanding and compassion and still remember that we are the parent and that we have a certain responsibility. Our understanding should not be an invitation to verbal abuse or to having children (or anyone else) try to walk all over us.
Just remind yourself that showing compassion, sympathy or empathy is not the same thing as giving in: “I understand what you are going through but my answer to this is…” is just one way of expressing understanding but staying true to what it is that you need to do as a parent. It is also perfectly fine to call a child on verbal abuse and share that just because you understand and appreciate what they are going through, it does not give the child carte blanche to tromp on your feelings or treat you disrespectfully.