As a child growing up in both secular and Orthodox households, I never felt close enough to understand Orthodox religion. The mental distance between God and and my world as a child was rigid; “no jumping on the beds,” “being quiet on Shabbat” and so on.
At the time, there was a feeling that religion is my enemy and only dictates to me my flaws: am I good or bad if I don’t listen to the higher authority of good.
We were invited to eat today’s Shabbat lunch at the head rabbi’s house in Pittsburgh. (American Jews call it “shabbos” but I feel much more comfortable with the Shabbat from my years living in Israel). It was both a revival of my palate and the beginnings of some journey of spiritual awakening after such a long hard week in front of the computer.
Right now, for me, living in America is almost like living in exile. I feel far away from my friends and family. We don’t have a reliable support system here in Pittsburgh despite the fact that we are making new acquaintances, but the journey is long and ongoing. sometimesw, I feel like one of the twelve tribes of Israel – trying to find a home.
Imagine how I felt when the Rabbi said that living in the diaspora is much more complicated because you have to continually move forward in your search for spirituality. He added on a more metaphorical note: “when you light a chandle in the dark, does it generate so much more glow than in the light?”
While I do subscribe to his notion, I do believe that there is a time and a place to experience the true essence of Jewish values. During brief moments of spiritual enthusiasm, is when I am reminded how sacred our own search for finding our own truths can be no matter where we are on this planet.