Back talk, power struggles, the refusal to listen—all of these behaviors can be incredibly common for the average preschooler. For the parent of an argumentative preschooler, however, it can be extremely tough not to get sucked into arguing back. Even if you know intellectually that it does not do any good to argue with them, before you know it you are in a tit for tat with a four-year-old. How can a parent avoid getting pulled in to an argument with someone under who is so young, so small, and so snarky?
I know that you all know better than to lower yourself to your child’s level and try to argue (or reason) with a three-year-old, but it does not take much for even the most calm and brilliant among us to get sucked in and find ourselves trying to prove that the sun really does come up every day or if you put the cat in the dryer it could mean disaster. Try to remind yourself that no matter how amazing and gifted your child seems, he or she is still a child and that means a tendency to be irrational, stubborn and unreasonable. It is also in the preschooler’s job description to argue, refute apparent facts, and exercise his or her new-found ability to say “no” to anything and everything. You can accept this reality without getting wrapped up in trying to prove your point of view. This means having enough self-confidence and sense of self that you do not NEED your child to agree with you in order to feel fine with what you are doing. Practice saying the word to yourself that your child will be using in a few years as a teenager: “Whatever.” It can become your mantra and help to keep you from getting locked in an argument.
State your case clearly, keep things simple, and do not get involved in things that don’t matter. Often if you let your child “win” at the little things, he or she will be more likely to let you “win” at the big ones. Remember you are the boss and you do not need your child’s approval to be the authority—thus there is no reason to argue to prove that you are the one in charge. Whether he or she will admit it or not, if you know it and you act like it, the child will eventually come around.
See Also: Remember to be the Adult