I can honestly say that I am not really the “drama queen” type. That does not mean that I do not have plenty of drama in my life, however. With one child (of three) and a friend or two who cling to the constant chaos and drama state, I definitely have to cope and deal with it. As a single parent, my life can be naturally dramatic enough without the dramatic energy that these people can bring into my world so I have learned a few coping skills to keep their drama from getting all over me.
I have one good friend whom I truly love and value—but her life is ALWAYS drama. It is always as if she is the first and only person to ever experience anything. Whether it is the illness of a pet, a problem at work, an unexpected bill, whatever—it is just drama, drama, drama. If I mention something that is happening in my world (and I don’t often get the chance to talk about “my stuff”) she immediately ties it into something that she has or is experiencing. Now, you might wonder why I keep her as a friend? Obviously there are other benefits and I determined a few years ago that I have room for two such friends in my life and that is it. The position has been filled and I’m not taking any more!
Meanwhile, I have learned how to NOT get sucked in. First, I only offer to help if I want to. I used to offer whenever I thought I was needed but I realized that if I do not take care of myself, no one will. If I want to help out or I am willing to, I am very specific: “I am available to feed your cat if you need me to” or “Would you like me to bring over some soup?” I DO NOT offer to do anything or tell them to “call me if they need anything.” They will call and it will be very draining.
My mantra has become: “It is so wonderful how strong and capable you are and how you always come through!” to those who are in constant drama and crisis. They do not want to hear this but it is my way of refusing to indulge or take it on. I might throw in a: “I’m sorry you are having a hard time.” But that is as far as I am going to go unless the circumstance really calls for more involvement.
I really do love the little drama queens in my life, but I have to keep balance and perspective too. Just because I am a single parent and have been through a lot, does not mean that I am a drama junky or that I want to stay in that place. Learning how to avoid other people’s drama can help us stay healthy for the true challenges in our lives.