The trait of beauty, according to Kabbala, is not merely pleasant or “nice”. True beauty comes with balancing and integrating disparate elements together to create harmony. If something appears unattractive, it probably has not been used to its full potential or it has not been integrated properly. True beauty does not eschew certain elements of our existence, but uses them to their full potential when balanced with other elements.
Tiferet, or balance is a mean between the traits of kindness (chesed) and gevurah (severity). Many overwhelmed parents feel that they are in a constant flux between excessive leniency and excessive strictness. For instance, I might let my son run around during mealtimes. He takes a bite, runs around the room, returns to take another bite, and bolts across the room again for another lap. At first, I may tell myself that I am just letting him explore. I decide to “let him do it” because it simply isn’t worth the battle to make him sit down. Slowly, however, my resistance wears down, and then I may snap. At that moment, I may be more strict with my son than I would have been in the first place by setting reasonable limits.
A parent who is always fluctuating between excessive “kindness” (or taking the path of least resistance) and coming down hard on the kid when he finally gets on the parent’s nerves needs to concentrate on Tiferet, or a balance between leniency and strictness. This can be obtained by setting reasonable limits before situations arise. It can be helpful to discuss these limits with a spouse to ensure that they are balanced. Using limits that are sturdy but have some flexibility is an essential skill not only in parenting, but in other aspects of life.
It is worth it to consider the other traits as they interact with tiferet.
Tiferet and Netzach (endurance): Does my sense of balance endure? Do I periodically evaluate my ability to balance
Tiferet and Hod (humility): Is my balance in accord with humility. Pride tends to upset any balance
Tiferet and Yesod: How is my sense of balance structured? How can I lay the foundation for a keener sense of balance
Tiferet and Malchut: My sense of balance should also contain dignity and confidence to make the right decisions.