It’s nice for a child to have a doll who is a positive reflection on the child’s own looks. The child will likely think the doll is pretty, and she may transfer that feeling regarding her own looks. However, I do not believe in trying to match the looks of the doll to the looks of the child all the time.
When I was a child, my mother bought me a blonde doll and my younger sister a doll with dark hair, to match our own hair. Then my youngest sister was born with brown hair—not as dark as most “brunette” dolls, but certainly not blonde. So my mother bought her a red-haired doll. Later my aunt made angel Christmas tree ornaments for each of us—a yellow-haired one for me, a dark-haired one for Ann, and a red-haired one for Noelle.
Even odder, my mother was once given three dolls to give to the three of us girls. She gave me the Caucasian doll, my next sister the African doll, and my youngest sister the Asian doll, because I had the lightest hair and skin, my middle sister had dark hair and tanned easily, and my youngest sister had brown hair and medium skin. Neither one of my sisters looked anything like the dolls they were given, but in my mother’s mind they were the closest match.
I think that approach was overkill. Especially when a red-haired doll or an African or Asian doll didn’t look anything like my sisters anyway, what’s the point of matching?
I think it’s better to give all children a diversity of dolls or puppets when possible. I like to give multicultural dolls to cousins and friends for presents, so that the kids see themselves reflected in other kids’ playthings too and that their skin color is not uncommon. However, I don’t want to bring attention to the difference by always giving a Korean or Asian-oriented gift at every birthday party.
You may also want to donate some dolls or puppets showing different ethnicities to your child’s preschool. Check to see that the books in your child’s school depict people of different ethnicities as well.
Also, make sure you have books showing people of different ethnicities wearing and doing different things. I’ve written before that my daughter asked our Korean au pair why she wasn’t wearing a hanbok—a traditional Korean dress now worn mostly for formal occasions and holidays only. I had no idea that my daughter thought all people in Korea wore only hanboks all the time. Sometimes as adults, we like to teach the interesting and different things about a culture, but doing only that can make the culture seem exotic and even stranger to the children. Kids need to see pictures of people in all ethnicities in professional dress, doing all different kinds of jobs and living in houses or apartments similar those in your community.
Please see these related blogs:
I Don’t Like My Skin
Mixed Feelings for a Child Member of the Majority Minority
Care of African American Children in Transracial Adoptions: Different Skin Colors