In your marriage, your ex relationships can have a lot of power, whether those ex people are aware of it or not. Use that power for good not evil, and you’ll have a happy marriage.
Most married people have had previous relationships of one kind of another. Whether the ex consists of a childhood sweetheart or a previous marriage, there is usually some history there. Those ex-relationship have power in a couple of different ways.
The grass is greener
People by their very nature usually look back on the positive things in life. While that can be a very beneficial thing, looking back at an old relationship with too much fondness can be setting you up for trouble. Yes, maybe your ex so and so was more romantic, but didn’t he have negative qualities, too? There is a reason that he is your ex and not your true love. Don’t let that ex person take a dearer place in your heart over your spouse. As I told my husband, some of the people I dated were good people, but they just weren’t him.
Negative Talk
On the other hand, there are those who look back at an ex with nothing short of hatred and loathing. The relationship may have been so terrible, and you may be justified at your anger, but all of that old negativity can affect your marriage. On the one hand, you put yourself in a bad light by talking down about someone you once cared about (could you ever feel that way about him, your spouse might think). On the other hand, staying angry and negative doesn’t let you move on and concentrate on your marriage instead of the past failed relationship.
Comparisons
Never, ever, let me repeat this, never ever compare your current spouse to an ex relationship unless your spouse comes out ahead. Who wants to hear that an ex somebody never forgot your birthday (especially during the moment that your spouse is reminded that he forgot yours) or was an amazing kisser? What point does it serve in your marriage to constantly gush about an ex so-and-so? Sometimes these remarks can be made at low moments when you are feeling unloved or misunderstood as an effort to make yourself feel better (I deserve better than this). Don’t fall for that trap. Instead turn it around and tell your spouse that you had to kiss a lot of frogs before you found your prince.
Mary Ann Romans writes about everything related to saving money in the Frugal Blog, creating a home in the Home Blog, caring for little ones in the Baby Blog and now relationships in the Marriage Blog. You can read more of her articles by clicking here.
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