Fear can be stressful — whether you’re afraid of losing your job or afraid of spiders. Fear and anxiety can be even more stressful for children, who don’t necessarily know how to deal with these big emotions.
When I was little, I developed an irrational fear of AIDS. I remember hearing about it on TV but not really knowing what it was — and was very afraid that I would somehow catch this terrible disease. There were some nights that I was afraid to go to sleep (my mom spent a lot of nights on the floor in my room to help calm me down).
So what can you do to help a child deal with fear and anxiety?
- Take it seriously. A child’s fear is real and valid — even if they’re afraid of something that seems totally irrational or silly. Try not to act like the thing causing the fear is silly, or beneath your notice.
- Be willing to talk and listen. It can be healthy and helpful to talk about your fears (at any age)!
- Gently help your child face their fears. In my case, learning more about the disease showed me that I wasn’t going to spontaneously develop AIDS. If your child is afraid of spiders, learning about the insects in your area — and the good things spiders do — might help quiet those fears. Don’t force your child to face their fears — this can be really stressful and traumatic. Let them explore at their own pace.
- Work on relaxation techniques. Help your child learn how to breathe deeply and think clearly when they are afraid. Calming down can help relieve some of the stress that comes with panic.
- Work on visualization techniques. Sometimes, just putting something aside can bring calm. Imagining a peaceful, happy, safe place might work. You can also try putting the thing that is feared behind an imaginary wall or in an imaginary box with locks on it.
- Teach your child how to be brave and confident. Lead by example — talk about the fears you may have conquered and how you did it. Encourage activities that make your child feel brave and confident, and those feelings may spill over into other areas.
My mom did things right when little Aimee was scared of AIDS. She took my fear seriously and helped make me feel calm and safe. Once I understood that I didn’t need to be afraid, I was able to sleep again.