We all do it more than we would like to admit, google people from the past out of curiosity. We want to know how they are doing, Did they get married and have children? Are their parents doing well? I recently got back in touch with pretty much my entire elementary school class, and it was wonderful to reconnect and see how most of us are thriving in our adult lives.
But when it comes to ex loves, is reconnecting really a good idea?
I think the answer to this question is: it depends. It all depends on where you are personally when it comes to your emotions, your life, your marriage and your motivation.
First ask yourself if you really want to reconnect to this person. It may be simple curiosity, or it may be something more dangerous. Only you can answer that question. Many experts will advise against trying to reconnect with an ex love, and for the most part I agree with them.
You may wish to reconnect because you want to recapture the feelings that you had so long ago. Time puts a nice glossy finish on things, and you may wonder if your ex love was the great love of your life. The danger here is that your real marriage can’t compete with all of that fantasy. What if you do connect and your spouse confesses that he still has feelings for you. What will you do then? Will you through your real marriage away for a relationship that didn’t work out in the past? Ridiculous!
Reality is usually far different from the fantasy of the past. There was a reason that this person is your ex, so why might you think that you would be a good match now, especially after the years have passed and you have even less in common? Why invest any time or emotions outside of your marriage in the first place?
That said, I don’t think that reconnecting with someone from the past is always harmful. After all, you had feelings for this person once, so you may naturally still care or have concern for the ex as a human being or a friend. I choose to look at it this way. Every relationship you have may have changed you or given you something positive to take away with you. As long you are really happy in your marriage (and madly in love) and your life, have no desire to keep any of it a secret from your spouse, and are harboring no romantic feelings for an old love, then it is entirely possible that you can be friends with an ex.
What do you think? Should you look up old loves?
You can read more articles by Mary Ann Romans when you click here.
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