If two people are having a conversation and at least one of them is pregnant, the conversation will most likely go in one of four directions.
Negative:
- 1. The pregnant woman will ramble about her pregnancy and the other will get sick of hearing about it.
- 2. The non-expecting party will keep asking about the pregnancy, and the pregnant women will get sick of talking about it.
Positive:
- 3. The discussion will be completely overtaken by baby talk and neither party minds.
- 4. Both parties avoid the subject altogether. This happens when one or both parties are either not interested in talking about pregnancy or recognize that the subject has been beaten to death.
The first three scenarios have succumbed to what is called the pregnancy conversation trap, or PCT. PCT is not always a bad thing, as in scenario #3, but it can cause social discomfort. PCT is avoidable, but it takes some planning. Strategies may vary based on whether you are the pregnant woman or on the receiving end of an endless rant, speech, infomercial or other baby-related diatribe.
As a pregnant woman, think about who you are talking to and filter your speech accordingly. Some people love talking about pregnancy, and some people don’t. To avoid PCT, you must determine into what category the other person falls. If you are not sure, try to wait for the other person to bring up the subject. Most people are very polite and will listen to everything you have to say, though they may be wincing or bored on the inside. Some people appreciate the topic to a certain point and then would prefer to change the subject. Once you find that person who can’t get enough of your ultrasound pictures and pregnancy symptoms, put their number on speed dial. This is one instance when PCT is harmless, so go with it.
On the other hand, if you are tired of talking about your pregnancy, you must anticipate a barrage of questions such as “how are you feeling?” or “when are you due?” and have a game plan. Your best bet is to master the art of changing the subject. Take this conversation for example:
Offending party: “How are you feeling?” (The question that gets asked 100x per day.)
Pregnant Woman: “I’m feeling great! The baby has been moving a lot this week. I’m really looking forward to her arrival. September 2nd can’t come soon enough. I have a doctor’s appointment next week to see how she’s doing. By the way, how did that job interview go?”
Notice how the pregnant woman in this scenario anticipated the classic followup questions and answered them proactively. This opened the door for her to smoothly change the subject without being rude. PCT has been avoided and all is well.
If you are not pregnant, be wary of how many times you ask a pregnant woman any of the following questions:
How are you feeling?
When are you due?
What are you having?
When is your next appointment? etc.
It’s better to allow a pregnant woman to share the information on her own terms. Greet her with a normal question such as “how are you?” or “what’s new?” This allows her to share any pregnancy news without feeling pressured to talk about all the details. In addition, if she is tired of talking about the subject, the open ended questions allow her to talk about other areas of her life.
If you are stuck in a conversation where a pregnant woman is telling you way more than you want to know, you can follow a similar strategy as the one shown above, but with a twist. For example:
Pregnant Woman: “…after my mucous plug fell out, I started freaking out. I can’t wait for labor to start because my pelvis is in so much pain. My pubic bones feel like they are being crushed by the jaws of life.”
Victim: “I can’t wait to meet your daughter. I bet your birth announcements will be beautiful. Speaking of beautiful, did you see that sunset last night? It was breathtaking!”
You have to be very careful with this strategy because you don’t want to hurt the mom-to-be’s feelings. Pregnancy may affect her emotions and make her particularly sensitive.
Pregnancy is one of those things that comes with its own set of rules when it comes to social norms. PCT is just one pitfall. There are other things to worry about, like whether you’re allowed to touch the belly, but that’s a whole other blog topic. In the end, it’s good to always keep your sense of humor. (By the way, I hope this blog put a smile on your face!)