Having your own agenda can be problematic in a marriage. It often means you are so focused on what you want to do and achieve that you ignore the feelings of those closest to you, which is you spouse and family.
Where two people in a marriage each have their own agenda, it can then becomes a contest of wills to see who will prevail or it ends up in the man and woman living independent lives that hardly ever connect. This is not what marriage was intended to be.
Marriage is meant to be a sharing of ourselves, our lives, our dreams and desires, plans, goals and aims, our joys and our tough times. Is this a picture of your marriage?
What happen in a marriage where each person has their own agenda is that one person ends up oblivious to the feelings and needs of the other. If our spouse has had a hard week, then it is not the time to put more expectations on them or upbraid them for things not done. Allowances need to be made.
Similarly of you have had a rough time, then your spouse should be aware and be more understanding. But people obsessed with their own agenda tend to only see their own point of view and ignore the needs of others, or they are regarded as irrelevant. As a result feelings are hurt and arguments and misunderstandings erupt.
One way to counteract this is to sit down and make plans together. Plan your week together. What things need to happen on that week to achieve your goal and your spouse’s goals? What things need to be done to accommodate family? These might include things like taking children to music or sport or weekend parties or attending parent teacher interviews. Work out who is going to do these things.
Compromise is essential. It shouldn’t be left to one person in the marriage to always be the one who has to give way to accommodate others.
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Problems with Having Your Own Agenda
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