Okay so you and your spouse end up in an argument. It happens to all of us, from time to time. I’m always suspicious of people who claim to never argue.
One of the things to beware of in an argument is that you actually answer the comment or criticism your spouse makes. It sounds easy enough. But it’s not always.
Too often we read into words, things that were never untended and things the other person never even thought of. You know how a ventriloquist’s doll speaks words and often they’re cheeky but really it is the ventriloquist putting words in the doll’s mouth. That’s what we can to do with our spouse.
So don’t put words in your spouse’s mouth. Don’t look for hidden meanings or sub text. Just respond to what is said.
The other important factor is to not let emotions get out of control. Sometimes emotions get the better of us and the mouth spews out words before we put our brain into gear. The trouble is words can’t be unsaid.
Sometimes they can’t be forgotten either. So we need to think carefully about them before we speak.
It’s not enough to apologize and be sorry after the event. Yes, it’s far better than not doing it at all. But even better if we learn to curb the tongue. For some of us that is going to be harder than for others.
That book of wisdom, the bible, tells us about the importance of the tongue and the devastating effect it can have on others.
Here are a few verses. Psalm 34:13 warns us to keep our ‘tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceit.’ It also says ‘he who restrains his lips is wise,’ Proverbs 10:19 and ‘a man of understanding holds his tongue,’ Proverbs 11:12. Or a woman of understanding one could suggest. ‘Even a fool when he keeps silent is considered wise,’ Proverbs 17:28.
So at times the wise thing is simply to be quiet. Or at least think before you speak.
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