As a parent of two teens, a boy and a girl, one of my biggest worries is that they may fall someone with violent tendencies and experience dating violence. I have seen far too many incidences in my time of young women where controlled by their boyfriends and that control turned to violence and even death. I have even seen young men whose girlfriends start off very argumentative and before long start nagging constantly and even hitting and throwing things.
Even after breaking free of a relationship such as this a young person is usually ruined for the chance of any healthy relationships thereafter. Women continue to pick similar men, and men end up avoiding serious relationships. For these reasons, it is best if parents can somehow help teens avoid dating violence altogether.
I believe my parents had some success in helping their kids avoid dating violence. From a young age, they taught me to never let anyone be mean to me or push me around. Yes, they taught me to deal with bullies. Bullies on the playground grow up to be bullies in relationships.
Once I got older and began to show interest in boys, my parents actually inserted themselves into the relationships. At the time, I thought they were being horrible and unreasonable. Looking back, I can see that by making sure the person I dated came into the home, had meals, and participated in family activities, that they could assess the character of the young man and observe the direction our relationship was taking. There were times when this led to arguments with my parents like when they decided that I needed to end a relationship, but in retrospect, it is clear to see that the relationships was headed nowhere.
They took a different approach with my brothers making sure they knew that it was never OK to hit a woman. They didn’t believe in excess telephone conversations as they didn’t like boys keeping tabs on someone they were dating. They made sure that no girl came between my brothers or any brother and their friends. They were very wary of manipulative girls.
Most and foremost my parents taught that no boyfriend of girlfriend disrupted the lives of their children. Sure there would be some adjustments when someone was dating, but no ones interests, appearance, or activities should drastically change due to a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship.
How do these things protect teens from dating violence? The things my kids did make us warriors meaning we would fight back. They continued to monitor us in areas where our insight was lacking. They kept us independent so that a relationships should not make or break us. They made us secure in who we were so that we would not change for someone else.
While I won’t repeat all of my parents’ tactics when my kids do start dating, I will certainly make sure that they remain secure, strong, and independent, so that they will not fall prey to someone who will try to control them or worse.
~If you liked this you should also read my other posts at the home blog, the homeschooling blog, the parents blog, and the frugal blog. You can read my recent posts here.
Teen Dating Violence: A Serious Problem
Is “Going Out” Actually Dating?
Setting Age Guidelines for Teens