Someone brought up an interesting point in the comment on my do it together blog about accepting help. It’s as important to be able to accept help graciously as it is to give help.
Years ago I had a dear friend who would do anything she could to help others. Whatever you needed she was there to help. But the sad thing was she found it hard to accept help and always felt she had to do something in return for any help given. Since we were good friends who could talk about anything I had a chat to her about this and tried to help her see she wasn’t doing herself or her relationships any favors by being unwilling to accept help.
We can times be too self sufficient in marriage and not allow our spouse to feel like they are contributing if we refuse to accept help. Okay, so they might offer to help clean the house or hang the washing out. Does it really matter if it’s not done exactly as you would have done it?
One day before I stepped out of the shower in the ensuite, I asked Mick to bring me a bath mat from the basket of washing that had been brought in from the line. There were blue bath mats and green ones. Our main bathroom is blue and white, but our ensuite is beige with flowers of apricot and green in the tiles. The towel I had in the ensuite were green. To me it was obvious I wanted a green bath mat.
He brought in a blue bath mat. At that point I could have made a negative comment or took it and not worried about the color. I took it and thanked him. After all does it really matter? The only people who see the ensuite are us two. Next time I will be specific and ask for exactly what I want ‘a green bath mat.’
Another time a couple I know were cleaning. He volunteered to clean the bathroom. He cleaned the wash basin, the vanity, the bath and the shower recess, but never thought about the toilet. The wife thanked him, and then waited till he was out of the house occupied with something else and then cleaned it herself rather than make a fuss. So accept help but don’t always expect it to be exactly the same as if you do it. But still show gratitude and appreciation of the help you get.
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