Will we soon see short term contract marriages? Will we see couples contracting to marry for three years or five years, and then with an option to renew, instead of till death us do part? That’s the question Mick raised recently. And no, I don’t for a moment think he’s ready to trade me in or regretting ours is a life contract.
It’s more a reflection of the way society is going. We live in a disposable society. Most major appliance manufacturers tell you they have a life of around 5-8 years – a situation I find laughable. Who can afford to replace appliances that often? I have a freezer that is getting on for 40 years old and still works perfectly.
The same disposable attitude carries over to marriage. It is reflected in divorce statistics which show that contrary to the old idea about a 7 year itch it is now a 2 year itch. 1 in 12 marriages end up in the divorce courts after only 2 years. Sad, isn’t it?
Again I can only wonder what people are getting married on. But what is the solution?
Several things occur to me. One is adequate preparation for marriage. Parents underestimate how big an impact they can have on shaping young people’s attitudes towards marriage, as they observe the marriage of their parents and the way they relate, or don’t, as the case may be.
The other thing I think is helpful is marriage preparation courses, which give people some idea of what to except from marriage. Both our adult children and their partners underwent marriage preparation courses and found them extremely beneficial, raising all sorts of issues they had not thought of and being able to talk about them and work through them. Mick and I also underwent marriage preparation classes but my recollection is they were nowhere near as detailed as those our children went through.
Thirdly give the marriage a chance. The first year or two you’re really still getting used to each other and being married. It’s important to make allowances and work at improving your marriage and not just give up at the first little hurdle or difficulty experienced.
Anything worthwhile is worth investing time in. Let’s make sure that we’re investing that time and energy in our marriage and make it for life, not just a limited contract.
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