How much honesty should there be in a marriage? That’s one topic that has come up a couple of times recently in the forums and on comments on blogs.
One of our families.com members found out that her husband already had a child from another relationship while they were already together. Now she feels betrayed and wonders if she can trust her husband any more and whether her marriage has a future. This is one of those things that should have been mentioned well before the marriage.
It is understandable too, that the person, whose spouse has been unfaithful and had an affair, will find it hard to trust their spouse again as a result of their dishonesty. On the person whose spouse has a gambling or some other social problem that they have been trying to conceal, means the other person is faced with difficult choices when they find out.
Leaving these major incidents aside, is there ever a time when it’s better to keep quiet? Another families.com member feels that whenever he is honest with his wife, all it does is start a raging row.
Sometimes though, honesty is adhered to without balancing it with wisdom and tact. Blurt our hurtful truths and it’s no wonder if your spouse gets upset. In such cases a person would be advised to pick the time and the place and gauge the mood of their spouse carefully before sharing home truths.
Too often when people decide to be honest, they throw love and gentleness and tact out the window. What happens is that it comes across to their spouse as accusatory, as laying blame, fault finding and that they think they are superior to their spouse. Certainly that is never good for any relationship. It immediately puts the other person on the defensive.
Honesty needs to be telling the truth in love, not like with a sledge hammer to beat your spouse around the head.
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