What about when trust is broken or betrayed? Can trust be re-ignited? These were questions that came out of one of the comments on one of my recent blogs.
Now I can’t answer that question because, thankfully, I have never been in that position. I can think there might be things I would not forgive and would find hard to trust again, but I don’t really know. The reality is none of us can really answer that question. We often think or say what we would or wouldn’t do in a certain situation, but when we are placed in the position what often happens is that we react differently than we expected.
However if you are in the position where your trust has been betrayed, some questions you might want to ask to help you are:
Can I put this incident behind me and not keep harking back to it and bringing it up every time he or she is late or we have an argument?
Can I not only stop bringing suspicions and doubts into conversations but put them right out of my mind and go on as though nothing has happened? Or will I always be looking for excuses not to trust him or her?
If my friends or family know what my spouse has done can I put up with their pitying looks or comments and not respond?
Is there something I have done that precipitated my spouse’s behavior? Are their things in the way I treat my spouse and in your marriage that need to be changed?
Is there a point when too many people, like children, have been hurt by my spouse’s behavior? How much hurt is too much?
Life doesn’t come with guarantees. There is no guarantee that the spouse who hasn’t betrayed once won’t do it again. Can you live with that possibility or threat hanging over your head and could you consider putting family through hurt and a stressful situation again? Are there other issues involved like alcohol or violence involved? That could make a difference to your decision.
Opinions and advice from others can only go so far. In the end you and your spouse are the only two people who can resolve the matter of broken trust and the consequences from it. You are the two who have to resolve to choose to work together to make your marriage better and stronger or not.
Related blogs
What Would You Not Forgive?- Part 2
Keeping The Happily Ever After
The Pattern of Domestic Violence