Do you have an only child? I do. We have an only child for many reasons. While I would love to have more, my husband feels done. I know that I should feel done too, for medical reasons. So here we are, with one lovely daughter.
While babies and toddlers never question the fact that they are only children, kids begin to wonder about babies and siblings when they are preschoolers. As my daughter turned two and then three, she became more avidly interested in babies. This interest has only increased over time. Preschool-aged children are very aware that there are life stages, and as my daughter moves towards age five she is quite interested in the fact that she is a child, I am an adult who can have babies, and her cousin and others are new babies. It’s a way of dividing who’s who and who’s at what stage.
At age three, she also became interested in having a sibling. At first, she had two imaginary siblings. This was a bit of a challenge as she started preschool, since she insisted that her brother and sister come with her to story time and other preschool events. The other parents were a little confused. After a year and a half, this interest waned and she began asking for a brother or sister.
I found this the most difficult time of all. I would dearly love to give her a brother or sister, as I love children, but it is not a possibility. How do you explain your reasoning to a four-year-old? I have kept it simple. For one, I don’t want her to feel angry about the reasons we cannot have another child. As she gets older, I will explain a little more and a little more. For now, I simply say that we can’t have any more babies or that we are not having any more babies, but that we can enjoy other peoples’ babies. If pressed, I talk a little bit about my body and how I don’t want to have any more babies.
We get together with people who have babies, and we play with them. We also work to have playtime with other children. Even though she will never have the feeling of having a sibling, living near children whom we can play with frequently helps a little.
Do you have an only child? Has your child expressed an interest in having a sibling? How have you explained your decision?
(Image courtesy of jodiferjun at stock exchange)