Have you ever thought that aliens must have snuck into your home in the middle of the night and replaced your spouse’s brain with a different one? It is not an unusual problem. Here is how to deal with it.
You may be wondering, what happened to that husband who used to cook for you every night while you were dating, or the attentive wife who stared into your eyes and laughed at your every joke when you were first married. Now, the husband comes home after work and flops on the couch while you are left with figuring our how to feed yourself, the kids and well, him too. Now the wife only half listens to what you have to say as she heads out for an appointment.
Long term marriage takes some adjustment. And while you may think that you know someone well, marriage and life can often bring out other sides of both you and your spouse.
When your spouse doesn’t live up to the things you think he or she should, the first thing you should do is to examine those expectations to see if they are really fair. When you were first dating or in the beginning of marriage, chances are that you had a lot of time to focus on each other. You dressed up and did fun things. Now you may have children that need attention, a more stressful job, tighter finances, etc. Is it reasonable to expect the same things?
Sometimes in the beginning of a relationship, we tend to look through things with rose colored glasses. We can also change ourselves. So while the fact that your spouse was so attentive used to be endearing to you, getting five phone calls from him or her in the space of an hour at work can now be annoying. Your spouse didn’t change, necessarily, but it seems that way.
Now that you have put your expectations through a check, the next thing to do is to talk about what you reasonably think is missing in your spouse or how he or she relates to you. Your spouse may not even realize that certain things are important to you. You have to ask for what you would like to have back.
Finally, enjoy certain changes in your relationship. Your spouse feels comfortable and relaxed. He or she doesn’t have to be on the best behavior because the feeling of being loved and wanted allows him or her to show a true self. And, you can also expect acceptance in return.