People often seem to think marriage is a private thing between two people. It is not. It is a societal event. That’s why in the marriage service it says ‘we are gathered here together.’
Marriage is meant to be something committed to it in front of witnesses. Usually those witnesses are friends and family members. We want them to share in and be part of our happiness.
Why are these promises made in front of witnesses? It is a reminder of the solemnity of the commitment. It reminds the couple marrying and also in as sense those of us witnessing it, that the promises made entail an obligation and commitment on the part of those concerned. In a way it should provide a sense of accountability.
It could be incentive to persevere when the going gets tough and when our commitment or faithfulness is tested. Is that how you view your marriage vows?
When a couple divorces, it is a not a private thing either. It affects many relationships. There is the obvious one of children affected by divorce. Mick and I see the effects of that a lot of children when we go into schools to teach them. But it’s not only children that are affected when a marriage breaks up.
In-laws, grandparents, siblings, friends of the divorced couple all in one way or another are affected. It takes its toll on all of them, in varying degrees depending on how close they are to the couple.
It also causes them to look at their own relationship afresh. It is no con-incidence that when a couple in a circle of friends divorces, others are likely to follow. Whether it sows the seed or whether it suddenly makes it a more accessible option for people is the question no-one has answered.
You can start to think if it happened to them can it happen to us. If this makes you more determined to stick at your marriage then good, but often it makes you start looking for things wrong that you may not have noticed before.
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