As parents, we all slip up sometimes. I know that I do, and regularly. While I love to think of myself as an attached and nurturing parent, to be honest, I slip. When I am sick and tired and stressed out, I become a cranky, normal, not-very-nice all the time human being. That’s just life, and we all need to forgive ourselves mistakes from time to time.
Yesterday we went to a wonderful event, an apple festival. We had to take a very short bus ride to get to the main festival area, and the bus was quite full. There was one seat left. My daughter took it. A mom with a baby came on the bus, and I told my daughter that she needed to get off the seat because other people needed it more than she did. She refused because she was tired. I understood, but she still needed to get off the seat – there were people who would fall down without it. She refused again. As an elderly man walked on, I realized that she needed to move. I told her that we were going to the back of the bus and started to move. She got very upset and started moving after me.
For about an hour afterward, she was very angry, as in her mind she should be. I was abandoning her and I was not respecting the fact that she was tired. In my mind, I realized that the ride was going to be five minutes long and that she would be able to hold onto me for five minutes with no problems. We discussed this later, and she was still angry but did understand the concept, if not the practice.
Lessons learned, once again? As always, the “connect before you direct” holds true. If we hadn’t been racing for the bus and if I has spoken in a way that was more understanding of her tiredness, then she would have likely complied with my request to stand. If I’d realized that she was that tired and we hadn’t had to rush back, we could have simply waited for a seat on the next bus – crisis averted. As it was, I got rather directive and she felt abandoned. The good part is that of course, kids are resilient and I doubt that she even remembers the incident today.