It is not uncommon for parents of children with special needs to lose friendships either immediately upon diagnosis, or slowly over the course of time. Having a child with a disability or health condition changes parents’ perspective, completely alters their schedules, and wipes clean the picture perfect future they had planned. Friends often don’t know what to say or how to help and end up distancing themselves.
If you have lost friendships since your child was diagnosed with a condition, try not to be angry. Some people cannot face you due to the guilt they feel of having giving birth to healthy children. Some people want to help, but are paralyzed by fear. It doesn’t mean that they don’t care. They just can’t handle it, so forgive and move on. Holding onto hurt or anger won’t help you take care of your child.
If you have friends that do stick around and want to help you, let them. Be grateful for the people that offer advice or a shoulder to cry on, even if you want to scream that they can’t possibly understand. They know they can’t understand, but are trying to tell you that they care about you and your family and that they support you. Say thank you.
Try to keep in touch with friends. Even though your life is suddenly filled with the chaos of doctors’ appointments and treatments, don’t neglect the friends that do want to support you. You are busy and stressed, but take the time to connect and let them know you are thinking of them. You shouldn’t be expected to ease their fears or emotions when it comes to your child’s condition, but you should make an effort to keep the friendship going, especially if they want to remain a part of your life too.
There will always be people who disappear at the first sign of “trouble”. Don’t focus on the friendships you have lost, but on the ones that have remained. True friends are hard to find. Show them you appreciate them.