As I mentioned before, I have a friend who’s getting married soon, and she’s been full of questions about marriage and how to make relationships work. As we’ve talked, I’ve noticed a common theme in many of my answers to her – the theme of trust.
When you agree to marry someone, that is the first big step of trust you take. You’re telling them, “I trust you to be my partner and to take care of my emotional needs.” As you enter into the marriage, you’re telling them, “I trust you to be honest with me and to be faithful to me.” But there are other issues of trust that enter into the equation as well.
Do you trust your spouse with your feelings? We might feel as though we want to hide our stronger emotions for fear of scaring them off or making them feel defensive. But of all the people in the world, you should share your feelings with your spouse. They should know what’s going on inside you. If your emotions are strong and perhaps negative, you can find ways to share them that won’t scare your spouse away, but they definitely need to know how you feel.
Do you trust your spouse to be there for you? We all need someone to be our backup, our safety net. Do we trust that our spouse can handle that job, or do we doubt their ability to be strong for us? Sometimes our greatest strength is made manifest only as we are stretched in that area. Your spouse might not seem able to handle it right now, but when push comes to shove, I think you’ll find that your trust was well-placed.
Do you trust your spouse with every aspect of yourself? Each of us has a past, things that took place before we ever met our spouse, and some of us have secrets or episodes from those former lives that we’d just as soon never talk about. But there are times when our spouses need to know those things about us. Are we willing to open ourselves up and share? Do we trust that those confidences will be honored?
So much of the time, trust is a matter of being willing to become vulnerable. We can’t always know that our spouse is worthy of that trust – some spouses aren’t. But until we are willing to open our hearts, become vulnerable, and really trust that we’re safe in our relationship, we will never reap all the benefits that relationship can hold for us. It’s worth any potential risk we might face.
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