My husband grew up in a home where Christmas was celebrated to the max. There were piles of presents, tons of goodies, and a lot going on all the time.
I grew up in a home where money was super-tight, and Christmas was, by societal standards, pretty small.
As adults, my husband doesn’t really care much for presents or personal belongings. I, on the other hand, go through a kind of holiday guilt, wondering if I got my children “enough.” I buy, bring home, wrap, and nearly always tuck something away for a birthday or later Christmas, realizing I over-shopped and wanting to keep things somewhat under control. It’s interesting to me how much my husband and I differ in this department.
So what do you do when you and your spouse disagree about how you feel the holidays should be celebrated?
First, as with everything else, communication is the key. I sat down with my husband and explained how I grew up and how it fills a need for me to be able to provide gifts for my own children. He understands and supports my quest to fill that need, as long as I don’t put us in the poor house in the meantime.
Compromise is always important. If one spouse has a tendency to overdo, like I do, that spouse can cut back a bit, or tuck things away for the next holiday, like I do. The other spouse can seek to understand the need for gifts and decorations, and be a little more open to those things.
It’s also important that each spouse feel as though the holiday has been celebrated in the way that means the most to them personally. Maybe he doesn’t care for parties or presents, but a glass of eggnog makes the holiday complete for him. Maybe she really needs to go for a drive and see all the holiday lights. Neither one really cares for the company party, so they could skip that party, do the things that mean the most to them, and celebrate the holiday meaningfully without the additional stress.
If you sit down and share your feelings about the holiday and find ways to celebrate it as a couple with your own traditions and the things that mean the most to you, you’ll find that some of that holiday pressure melts away, and you come closer in your marriage as a result.
Related Blogs:
Tasty Traditions, Holiday Baking