I have a confession to make. I have a very difficult time sticking to my punishments. I am known to give a punishment to one of my children and after an apology, a hug or a kiss I have given in and revoked it.
Granted there are times when grace needs to be dispensed but sometimes I just feel guilty. I feel like I am causing my child undue pain. While I know the real pain is that my children don’t always get to experience the consequences of their actions, I have somehow managed to twist things in my mind.
I can come up with all kinds of psychological reasons for why this is. I could mention some things from my childhood or I could blame it on some deficiencies in my emotions. It doesn’t really matter what the cause is, I just know that I have to overcome it.
For some parents this is inconceivable. They have absolutely no problem enforcing a punishment. They are rock solid and won’t give in no matter what. I am not that parent.
Sometimes I use the excuse that my children are usually always so good, so I let them slide. But as one child of mine in particular has been really testing the waters, I have come to the deep realization that punishments must stick. Why does this grieve my heart so much?
Being this type of parent makes every little victory feel like a gigantic one. I recently experienced this when a child of mine was caught playing video games almost two hours past their bedtime…and this was on a school night.
Out of sheer frustration I went into the bedroom and unplugged their video game system. It was met with protests but I stood my ground and proceeded to walk out of the room with it. Do you realize what a huge step that was for me? You might be thinking I am this weak parent. Call me what you want but this was big.
However it was really nothing to take it away at 11:00 at night. I hid it and the next morning we all got ready for the day. I knew when it was time to pick up my child from school the first question asked would be, “Can I play my video games?” I had to be strong.
I was so pathetic I even asked my husband, who happened to be off work that day, if he could come with me. I wanted some backup but he was busy working on a project so I had to go it alone.
As I suspected the first words out of my child’s mouth were about playing his video games. I chickened out addressing it and kept changing the subject. It worked but my child was probably thinking, “This means when I get home mom will give in and I will have my video game system back.”
But when we got home I didn’t give in and a war broke out. After some loud protests and a slamming door, I retreated to my office. Not much later that same child came downstairs to apologize. I knew they were expecting their apology to not only be received but to change the punishment. When it didn’t work I was met with more protests.
I ended up standing my ground. My child came to me later and while they didn’t exactly acknowledge that I was right, I sensed they knew it. I felt like my child had more respect for me.
Am I alone in this? Am I the only one who has a hard time sticking to punishments?
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