I have been talking about intimacy a great deal and how communication and constant checks and rechecks are a part of maintaining your intimacy with your spouse. Another facet of maintaining intimacy is declaring your devotion. Over and over and over again.
For example, I kept track one day out of sheer curiosity – my daughter said “I love you” to me 28 times in one day. That’s more than twice per hour when you consider she’s only awake for about 12 hours of the day. She declares her love on a regular and consistent basis. I understand her need for reassurance and firm up her beliefs by not only responding to her declarations, but also making declarations of my own – even if we’re just driving in the car.
But declaring your feelings is more than just saying the words (though the words are very lovely!). Declaring devotion is about what you do for each other and how you act towards each other. For example, you can always spot a newly married couple – they are always in some form of physical contact. Whether they are holding hands, resting a hand on the back or just pressing knees together. They maintain this constant contact and while couples that have been married for a while are not quite so vigilant in their contact – they will use a casual caress, an impulsive kiss or just a leaning in to each other to show their unity.
Other ways you demonstrate your devotion are the purchasing or giving of little gifts – thoughtful gestures. You take out the trash without being asked, pick up the laundry at the cleaners, do the dishes or rent a movie that you know the other really wanted to see.
You protect the boundaries of your relationship by keeping secrets out of it. You share with each other what you wouldn’t with anyone else. You make decisions that would impact you both together and you maintain your rituals of constant communication.
This is how you show that you care. You say I love you, you hold hands, you leave little love notes, you buy flowers, you put the laundry away without a word – you give a little bit of yourself and you receive it back and more.
Related Articles:
What Every Husband Needs to Know