I’ve read books and watched movies where the husband and wife are so interconnected, she can just glance at him and he knows everything she wants to say. They have grown together in love and in unity, and they can pretty much read each other’s thoughts. I wish I could say that about my own marriage. No, don’t get me wrong – my husband and I are very united, and we become more so every year. We’ve worked on it diligently and I would have to say that we’ve never been as close as we are now, after fifteen years. But I can’t look at him and transmit thoughts across the room. I’ve tried. The results are often hysterical.
There are also times when I want to be able to speak in euphemisms. If one of the children is in trouble and I need to communicate the situation without making it into a public event, I’ll try using really long words that (hopefully) are so long that my extremely intelligent children won’t pick up on what I’m saying. That works about 50% of the time. Or maybe I’ll be having PMS, and I’ll need to communicate that to him. What’s funny is when he blurts out the translation.
Me (in the middle of the grocery store, speaking softly): “Honey, I am experiencing feelings related to certain cyclical events brought on by the fact that I’m a woman.”
Him (after a pause, speaking loudly): “Oh, are you starting your period?”
Blush.
So, what’s a wife to do? I have two choices. I can bewail my fate that my husband just doesn’t understand me, and feel jealous of women who talk about the deep, almost cosmic connection they have with their husbands, or I can do what I’ve chosen to do instead – speak very clearly.
I like to pull my husband aside and tell him what’s going on in clear, unmistakable language. This way, I can’t feel picked on because he can’t understand me, and he doesn’t feel like he’s been set up for failure.
We might not be able to communicate telepathically with our spouses, but we can work on making sure they understand us by being open, honest, willing to explain when needed, patient if they don’t “get it,” and above all else, remaining committed to each other and to our marriages. With communication being one of the biggest factors in a healthy marriage, it deserves all the time we can put into it.
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