Dating after divorce is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I was 39 when Hailey’s father and I got divorced; I hadn’t dated since I was 22. It was hard to put myself out there, to get to know someone after being with my husband for so long. I had forgotten how to flirt, how to meet people, what to say, how to behave on dates.
Eventually it came back, just like riding a bike, you never really forget, but it was very different. The biggest thing I noticed was that even before I introduced a man to my daughter, she affected how I thought and felt about things.
I know there are many wonderful men out there who do not have children and will accept someone else’s children without a second thought, but that has not been my experience. It seems that every time I dated a man who did not have children he either wasn’t interested in having any kind of relationship with my daughter (and let’s face it, she is the greatest kid in the world, what’s wrong with these men?) or he didn’t understand my responsibilities as her parent.
There were many men I didn’t see after I told them it was impossible for me to find a sitter, on a school night, with a half an hour’s notice. Really? How do you get to be an adult and not understand responsibility? Single moms would love to be carefree and impulsive, but not at our children’s expense.
Another issue for me with men who didn’t have children is that I am done having children. There is nothing you could say or do, even when I first got divorced, to convince me to have another child. I understand these men want a family of their own, that just means I’m not the one for them.
Men with children understand your responsibilities to your kids, they understand if you have to leave in the middle of a weekend away because your child is sick, or the sitter cancels, or one hundred and one other reasons why your child needs to come first.
The only bad experience I’ve had with dating a man with children was the man who saw his children so seldom that he was sure they were absolutely perfect and Hailey was spoiled and bratty. This man never saw his children so when he did they were on their best behavior. Needless to say, he didn’t last long.
I’ve been divorced for quite a while and it looks like it’s going to be that way for a while longer. I’m ok with it, it’s given me time to develop a relationship with my child that I wouldn’t otherwise have, and all this dating has taught me what I really want in my next marriage. Good health insurance and a strong back for the honey do list! Just kidding, but those things would be nice to have!