Have you ever tried to hold water in your hands? No matter what you do, before you know it, your hands are empty. That’s what raising my daughter feels like. The time has passed so quickly, baby, toddler, preschooler, pre teen, teenager, the years have flown by, passing like water out of my hands.
I feel like I haven’t taken the time to enjoy each stage of Hailey’s life, I always think it will be easier tomorrow, but tomorrow is just as busy as today. I know that is true for my married friends as well but it seems that as a single mom the time to stop and smell the roses doesn’t exist.
The burdens that are usually shouldered by two are now yours alone and that makes it much harder to stop and just enjoy your child. There are always chores to be done, housework, laundry, yard work, grocery shopping, cooking and worrying about how to stretch your paycheck just a little bit farther.
Sometimes it feels like the only downtime I have is when my daughter is with her father and I certainly can’t enjoy her when she’s not home! After a while I had to figure out ways to connect with her every day, even if only for a moment, just to let her know that I’m still there, and I still care.
Bedtime is my favorite time to talk to Hailey, even now; she always comes into my room to talk to me before I go to sleep. That’s when we have our best conversations. She tells me about her day and this friend or that friend or the book she is reading or the movie she wants to see. Sometimes she talks about how she feels about things, or her hopes and dreams.
It’s the one time of day when there is nothing to do but focus on her. I love that the last thing I hear before I go to sleep is my daughter’s voice, sharing a bit of her day that I didn’t have time to stop and experience. This bedtime routine is the one constant that we’ve had, from when she was an infant and nursing, through the toddler years and bedtime stories, right up until today. I’m going to miss this the most.