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Tantrums in Three Year Olds

We often hear the term “terrible twos”. I am here to say that if the two’s are terrible then the three’s are horrendous. I have had four children and while none were perfect two year olds, none were terrible. As soon as I would breathe a sigh of relief thinking the “terrible” phase had passed a new monster would rear its head; the three year old.

Three year olds are alike like teenagers. Trust me, I know. I have a 13 year old and a child turning three. Both want desperately to be independent while still struggling with dependence beyond their control. The clash of wanting to be independent without the control causes great difficulty which often results in tantrums. The will is a strong thing and not easily put back into its rightful place. However, with patience, consistency, and the ability to not take every infraction personally you will survive. While, my 13 year old does not yell, scream, cry and whine, I cannot say the same about her sister. So what is a parent to do?

How can parents help?

If possible, tantrums need to be cut off at the pass. Get to know your child’s trigger points such as being tired, hungry or over stimulated. If you are going on a shopping trip or a doctor’s appointment do your best to plan it during your child’s most awake time. Often this is first thing in the morning. Late afternoons can be touch and go with three year olds so if you must venture out during “Mr. Hyde” phase plan ahead. Grab a tote bag and fill it with snacks, crayons and coloring books, or other non messy activities to keep your child distracted from impending hunger or fatigue.

Once a tantrum starts it is imperative you stay calm. Make sure your child is safe if she is one to fall or thrash her arms and legs. Injuries resulting from tantrums are not due punishment. Your child needs to see that her reaction no matter how dramatic will never result in her getting her way.

But, what if your child throws a tantrum in public and wants to leave the store or restaurant? I find it rude for a parent to allow a child to throw tantrums in public. People do not need to witness your child screaming and kicking while they are trying to enjoy their time shopping or eating. Out of respect for others you must leave the public place and take care of your child. Take your child to the car and sit with her until she stops crying. Explain to her that you will be going back into the place you left and you expect proper behavior. If she screams once you reenter then come back out and do it again. The child will soon see that her behavior did not result in going home or to her destination of choice. Most of the time talking to your child before entering a store or restaurant and giving her your expectations will halt poor behavior.
Another strategy is to ignore the tantrum and praise the child for good behavior. Yes, children will try to garner attention even if it ends in punishment. You can also inadvertently cause a habit of your child throwing tantrums to get attention. The child must learn that tantrums do not get attention. Remain calm and indifferent during these times and find times to praise your child for proper behavior.